Breathe you out, breathe you in.
You keep coming back to tell me you’re the one who could’ve been.
In my eyes, see it oh so clear.
It was long ago and far away but it never disappears.
I try to put it in the past ,hold onto myself and don’t look back.
I don’t wanna dream about.
All the things that never were.
And maybe I can live without.
When I’m out from under, I don’t wanna feel the pain.
What good would it do me now?
I’ll get it all figured out.
When I’m out from under.
So let me go...
Just let me fly away...
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper and much darker everyday.
Watch me now and I’ll be someone new.
My heart will be unbroken, it will open up for everyone but you.
Even when I cross the line, it’s like a lie I’ve told a thousand times.
I don’t wanna dream about.
All the things that never were.
And maybe I can live without.
When I’m out from under,I don’t wanna feel the pain.
What good would it do me now?
I’ll get it all figured out.
When I’m out from under.
And part of me still believes when you say you’re gonna stick around.
And part of me still believes we can find a way to work it out.
But I know that we tried everything we could try...So let’s just say goodbye...
I don’t wanna dream about.
All the things that never were.
Maybe I can live without.
When I’m out from under, and I don’t wanna feel the pain.
What good would it do me now?
I’ll get it all figured out.
When I’m out from under.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Dear Heartbreak, I'm stronger than we thought.
Heartbreak #1: I know if I was standing outside your window, I would see exactly what I epxtected; someone who gives up, who has no problem treating someone like shit. You wouldn't come out to see me, because you would be too busy with your new girlfriend.
Heartbreak #2: I don't really mind listening to you yell and breakdown on me, it's the crying I cant stand. Every night I wonder what I could do to make it better for you, but in the end, you're just broken.
Dear Hearbreak #1,
I love you. Unconditionally. I really do. But I don't know if it's worth any of this. In fact, I know it's not. I pretend it doesn't bother me, then I shout that it does. I try to forgive, but I end up with more hate in me than before. You've made me lose myself, trembling, trying to get myself back. I should hate you for eternity for what you did, but I don't. There is some hate though, and that's normal. I've learned to let go though. The one thing you need to understand is that I never fully can though. It's not that I want to hold on, because I don't. I have almost no trust in you now. It's the whole "you can't control who you love thing." My heart chose to love you, and for some odd reason it still does, and I have absolutely no control over that. There will always be a part of me who loves you and wants to be with you, but I've learned to live with that. I do still want to be friends, I really do. I'll be bitter for a while, but oh well. You know you have to deal with that, that's a consequence that comes with lying and breaking someones heart. I hope you accept everything, and will still be my friend. (Not someone who you text once a week asking for them to do a favor or just saying what's up and stop talking), because if you can't, this was all for fucking nothing, and that's when I'll start regretting it.
Dear Heartbreak #2,
I see so much of myself in you. And that scares me a little. This game we got cheated into, life, we have wasted it. We take advantage of everything given to us for love. But we don't care. I know nothing I do will ever make you smile. Heartbreak has taught you well, as it has me. Whenever we have those small moments of acceptance and happiness, we trade them in for misery. We go in circles. This part of the story is something we've always known; acting. We're good at it. When we sleep, we're not really dreaming. Just thinking that the next morning will start with the others unhappiness. I'm so sorry that I don't love you. I almost wish I did, so you could be happy. But I wouldn't be being true to myself or you, and unlike people in our past, I actually want to be someone who is honest. I don't know how many times I can reassure you that I will always be here for you, even if it is just as friends. Nothing will tear us apart, unless you decide to leave like everyone else. The one thing I ask you to remember is that I never said never.
I find it really hard to admit to my emotions.
I also find it really hard to be rational with them.
I'm trying to deal with them, bare with me.
Heartbreak #2: I don't really mind listening to you yell and breakdown on me, it's the crying I cant stand. Every night I wonder what I could do to make it better for you, but in the end, you're just broken.
Dear Hearbreak #1,
I love you. Unconditionally. I really do. But I don't know if it's worth any of this. In fact, I know it's not. I pretend it doesn't bother me, then I shout that it does. I try to forgive, but I end up with more hate in me than before. You've made me lose myself, trembling, trying to get myself back. I should hate you for eternity for what you did, but I don't. There is some hate though, and that's normal. I've learned to let go though. The one thing you need to understand is that I never fully can though. It's not that I want to hold on, because I don't. I have almost no trust in you now. It's the whole "you can't control who you love thing." My heart chose to love you, and for some odd reason it still does, and I have absolutely no control over that. There will always be a part of me who loves you and wants to be with you, but I've learned to live with that. I do still want to be friends, I really do. I'll be bitter for a while, but oh well. You know you have to deal with that, that's a consequence that comes with lying and breaking someones heart. I hope you accept everything, and will still be my friend. (Not someone who you text once a week asking for them to do a favor or just saying what's up and stop talking), because if you can't, this was all for fucking nothing, and that's when I'll start regretting it.
Dear Heartbreak #2,
I see so much of myself in you. And that scares me a little. This game we got cheated into, life, we have wasted it. We take advantage of everything given to us for love. But we don't care. I know nothing I do will ever make you smile. Heartbreak has taught you well, as it has me. Whenever we have those small moments of acceptance and happiness, we trade them in for misery. We go in circles. This part of the story is something we've always known; acting. We're good at it. When we sleep, we're not really dreaming. Just thinking that the next morning will start with the others unhappiness. I'm so sorry that I don't love you. I almost wish I did, so you could be happy. But I wouldn't be being true to myself or you, and unlike people in our past, I actually want to be someone who is honest. I don't know how many times I can reassure you that I will always be here for you, even if it is just as friends. Nothing will tear us apart, unless you decide to leave like everyone else. The one thing I ask you to remember is that I never said never.
I find it really hard to admit to my emotions.
I also find it really hard to be rational with them.
I'm trying to deal with them, bare with me.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Break. Down.
Why are you doing this?
Why are you wasting your time?
You're fighting your insecurities and bad traits that have been handed down from generation to generation.
Embrace your chance for a brand new start.
A new chapter in your life.
I've been through this one minute too many.
I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to let this bring me down any longer.
It's not worth it. You're not worth it. You never were, and never will be.
I'm so done with all of this.
Why are you wasting your time?
You're fighting your insecurities and bad traits that have been handed down from generation to generation.
Embrace your chance for a brand new start.
A new chapter in your life.
I've been through this one minute too many.
I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to let this bring me down any longer.
It's not worth it. You're not worth it. You never were, and never will be.
I'm so done with all of this.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Lost and insecure, you found me.
"Butterflies only comes from those who matter and love is gold, maybe you matter, maybe you are pure gold."
Have you ever heard that? I haven't till today.
It's kinda ironic ...if you only knew lol.
Do you remember back in elementary school when you couldn't keep your eyes off that one guy?And you would hope every day during recess that he would come up to you. And it didn't matter what he would do or say, just as long as you caught his attention, it ment the world to you.
The nervousness and butterflies and excitement I get before seeing you is the best feeling in the world. I love driving around for hours listening to you sing to me. The way I always catch you looking at me haha that's the best cause you don't know what to do but say "uhh" and smile.
You're amazing, you know that?
I'm suffering from a broken heart, and you're helping me put the pieces back together. I know I haven't been giving you my all, and I apologize for that. Bare with me sweetie.
Have you ever heard that? I haven't till today.
It's kinda ironic ...if you only knew lol.
Do you remember back in elementary school when you couldn't keep your eyes off that one guy?And you would hope every day during recess that he would come up to you. And it didn't matter what he would do or say, just as long as you caught his attention, it ment the world to you.
The nervousness and butterflies and excitement I get before seeing you is the best feeling in the world. I love driving around for hours listening to you sing to me. The way I always catch you looking at me haha that's the best cause you don't know what to do but say "uhh" and smile.
You're amazing, you know that?
I'm suffering from a broken heart, and you're helping me put the pieces back together. I know I haven't been giving you my all, and I apologize for that. Bare with me sweetie.
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